Too much Recovery Talk!

Dear Coach Doug,

Hey, I'm dating! I have no clue what I'm doing, more tense than relaxed, and scared... really, really scared. I have known him for quite a while. He's divorced and has kids.

The thing is he talks constantly about his recovery... his meetings, his devotional, his kids, etc. I listen, and I share some of myself. But it feels like something is missing.

If you were dating would always be talking about your recovery stories? Don't get me wrong, I think it's great he is doing all this stuff. We were always friend and would speak to each other from time to time about our lives and struggles. He knows most of my history. He loves New Life.

Is something wrong with me that this bothers me? And how do I communicate this to him without causing misunderstanding? I know I'm ready to date him, but I need to get to know him on a different level now. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Confused in Cleveland

Dear Confused in Cleveland,

There's no right or wrong about how much someone talks about recovery! The relevant question, however, is... is it too much for you?

Also, if you feel like something is missing in the relationship, what is it?? It's important to identify it. Is it romance? touch? laughing and fun? etc. Once identified, tell him that you would like more of "that" in your relationship, and see how he responds. Better to tell him what you would like more of, instead of telling him that you want him to talk "less about recovery."

Also, the possibility exists that he is being overly polite and cautious, in order to make sure he doesn't scare you off with too much premature "love talk."

Sounds like you have a lot going for the two of you. Best work out the bugs now before it gets more serious!

Peace,

Coach Doug